Facing Fears: Loneliness

Blouse - Cotton On

Black Sleeveless Sweater - Thrifted - $7!

Blue Denim - Gap

Brown Booties - Steve Madden

Happy Friday!

Hope the end of the week is winding down great for you. It is always much deserved every week when I meet up with Friday. The weather here has been gorgeous lately, and I have a few things planned this weekend so it should be nice. I am planning to attend the MN Blogger Conference, a People Style Watch event for Silver Jeans, and likely a movie with the hubs. On top of those, always spending time with family and God.

So in closing out this work week, I wanted to continue the facing fears series. We’ve discussed the fear of failure, the fear of rejection, and today we will focus on the fear of loneliness.

The fear of loneliness or being alone

 It can be shared not only by those who are single, or those who have may have a minimal number of outside relationships with others, but can also be a reality for those who have huge support systems visibly present. Loneliness looks different for many people. It can mean you always need a partner or you feel inadequate. It can mean you must always be in a social setting to feel your best. It could even mean you are scared or feel unsafe when you are alone at night.  It can mean that you feel no one understands you and you are facing life alone.

I've experienced this first hand when I became pregnant. I felt like I was the only one going through what I was experiencing. It is a feeling of isolation and disconnection with others. It’s tough to be in a place like that, but there is hope. There is an answer to the equation. Christ is the only one that knows your deepest thoughts and feelings, and can help you overcome them.

What has helped me:

Leaning completely on Jesus.

Believe it or not, but in many of those situations where I felt alone – I would pray for those that I felt didn’t understand me. I would ask God to help me be a better friend to them. I would ask him to heal my heart. To help me appreciate the people that I did have. Help me to see them as he sees them. I would ask him to give me understanding. Help me to see clues as to why I am in this situation right now, was it for me to have a story in the future that may help someone? Was it for me to learn that he is always there? Was it for me to understand I have no control over other people and their actions and I must trust in him? I learned so much during that time by leaning on him. That is what he wants, that is what he is there for.

Understanding that man will fail. 

We are humans, we will make promises and sometimes even if not intentionally they will get broken. God is the only one who is truly his word. I remember thinking – they said they would always be there for me. I felt alone and I felt lied to. I felt like if someone truly cared about me they would reach out. The truth is, I have told many of my friends that I would be there for them and meant it. And there have been many of missed calls on my cell phone. Jesus is the only one that is always, ALWAYS there. In the middle of the night when you know you no one will answer, he will. Even if just to listen to our most inner cries and thoughts. And through it all we must show grace and mercy in those situations to those we feel abandoned by, just as Christ has shown to us.

Looking for the silver lining. 

It’s hard. I mean how do you look for a silver lining when you lose someone? How do you see the good in that? How do you see the light in a dark place of loneliness? How do you see it when you've been through bad relationship after bad relationship? But its there somewhere. It may take years until you figure it out, or might be right away. It could be for a greater cause, it could be to teach you something. I had to go through bad relationships before I appreciated a good one. I had to feel alone to understand how to offer support to others. I had to experience the pain of loss, to appreciate and live the life I was given. And if you don’t know what it is, accept that you may not understand in this season but know all things work together for the good of those who love God.

Reaching out to others.

 I put this last for a couple reasons. It’s said the last thing you read is usually the one that sticks with you, but I really put this last because that is usually the last thing we think or want to do in these situations. We fight ourselves, with “they don’t care” or “I need to be strong.” But God put us all on this earth for a reason, and it’s to be a help to each other. We have to rely on other people sometimes! They may be the one who he speaks through to give you hope and understanding. Invite them out to dinner, to get out and about. Taking your focus off of your lonely thoughts and engaging with others may help you through this time.

What things have helped you?

Can you relate?

Do you ever feel like you are alone? 

Have a great weekend!

-J

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