Most days I feel like I am a very strong person. I can do anything and my head is held high,
with all doubts and fears beneath me.
Other days I feel overwhelmed and like I am unable to continue to be strong.
This morning was a test of my strength.
Not the first, and certainly not the last.
Ever since my struggle began with Lupus, six years back, each day has been a testimony in every way shape and form.
I woke up with this morning, exhausted,
like I had run a 15 mile marathon a few hours before.
Unable to pick up my cellphone and turn off the alarm, due to the pains of arthritis in my hands, the fears and doubts flooded me. This is a familiar morning to me, as most of my days begin like this.
But, today was different.
As I rose to my feet I noticed pain and inflammation in my right knee and ankle.
This week was already going to be trying, as spring break is over, and any of you that work full time and go to school full time know the stress of balancing school, work, and life.
Now unable to walk myself to the bathroom to take on the day,
I felt defeated.
As Adrian lifted me off the bed, and helped me dress myself,
I let out a tear and told him,
"I am feeling discouraged."
He looked into my eyes, and said,
"Don't feel discouraged baby, you're body just needs to warm up. Everything will be fine."
Unable to get into my doc, I know Adrian is right.
I prayed to God.
Sometimes, I needed to find the faith in me to take on the day. There were so many things that I needed to do, but my body was just not cooperating with me.
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Faith can move mountains.
I've seen people in my life believe in God, when there was nothing left for them.
Believe that things would get better, that they would find the strength to carry on.
I know I can do it.
I am a strong, independent woman. I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.
I am grateful for the amazing people God has placed in my life, Adrian has seen me at my lowest of lows, he has stood by my side through it all.
I know God has placed him in my life.
My parents and my siblings are always there whenever I need anything.
They try to understand what is going on with me, even when I don't. They have been there to lift me up when things aren't going as planned.
I have good friends that are able to offer support.
I try not to ever ask anyone for anything. I think I get that from my mom. She has always been strong, and figured things out for herself. I have found out that although I never want to depend on them or anyone for that matter, all of these people will let me depend on them. They will help me when I don't ask for it.
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I am thankful for another day, I am thankful through it all. I know that my hard work and dedication in my life is not in vain.
I will make it!