Monday, March 12, 2012

Having Faith: I am Real, I am Human.

Most days I feel like I am a very strong person. I can do anything and my head is held high,
with all doubts and fears beneath me. 

Other days I feel overwhelmed and like I am unable to continue to be strong. 
This morning was a test of my strength. 
Not the first, and certainly not the last. 
Ever since my struggle began with Lupus, six years back, each day has been a testimony in every way shape and form. 

I woke up with this morning, exhausted, 
like I had run a 15 mile marathon a few hours before. 
Unable to pick up my cellphone and turn off the alarm, due to the pains of arthritis in my hands, the fears and doubts flooded me. This is a familiar morning to me, as most of my days begin like this. 
But, today was different.
 As I rose to my feet I noticed pain and inflammation in my right knee and ankle. 

Oh, Great. 
This week was already going to be trying, as spring break is over, and any of you that work full time and go to school full time know the stress of balancing school, work, and life. 
Now unable to walk myself to the bathroom to take on the day, 
I felt defeated

As Adrian lifted me off the bed, and helped me dress myself, 
I let out a tear and told him,
"I am feeling discouraged." 
He looked into my eyes, and said,
 "Don't feel discouraged baby, you're body just needs to warm up. Everything will be fine." 

Unable to get into my doc, I know Adrian is right. 
I prayed to God. 
Sometimes, I needed to find the faith in me to take on the day. There were so many things that I needed to do, but my body was just not cooperating with me. 

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Faith can move mountains.
 I've seen people in my life believe in God, when there was nothing left for them. 
Believe that things would get better, that they would find the strength to carry on. 

I know I can do it. 
I am a strong, independent woman. I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.
I am grateful for the amazing people God has placed in my life, Adrian has seen me at my lowest of lows, he has stood by my side through it all. 
I know God has placed him in my life.

My parents and my siblings are always there whenever I need anything. 
They try to understand what is going on with me, even when I don't. They have been there to lift me up when things aren't going as planned.

I have good friends that are able to offer support. 
I try not to ever ask anyone for anything. I think I get that from my mom. She has always been strong, and figured things out for herself. I have found out that although I never want to depend on them or anyone for that matter, all of these people will let me depend on them. They will help me when I don't ask for it.

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I am thankful for another day, I am thankful through it all. I know that my hard work and dedication in my life is not in vain. 
I will make it! 

Happy Monday! 


  1. You know, that I know exactly what you are talking about. But you keep the faith little sis and know that God has better things in store for you!! He's a faithful God and he has not failed yet so trust and believe on HIS word! And you are right, you will make it! Love you!

  2. a lovely post; may your faith continue to grow x

  3. Made me cry. Hang in there girl. God has a plan. I feel like that sometimes with the stupid dia-bee-tus. But you can't let it win. :) I'll say a prayer. :)

  4. I love you sister. Stay strong and don't let yourself feel defeated. You know if you ever need anything I am there for you even if it's just a 10 min conversation to keep your spirits lifted. Come around more often, whenever I feel down, a day at Mom and Dad's around the family always lifts my spirits. Me and DD run away at least once a month. Lol. Love ya!

  5. This is such a beautiful post! Amazing! You are a rock and people should learn from you, we have a lot of thing to learn from you.
    I have back problems, since I was 10 years old, for months in a row no pain and then out of nothing, I can't even get out of bed, or wash my hair. But... I need to get up, for me, for the people that need me...
    I hope you are better now!

  6. Awwww I love you lil sis! This brought me to tears, but dont let your body defeat you, god gave you 2 strong faithful and saved parents and a hefty load of siblings to carry you when you can not carry yourself. That is what we are here for, let us be your legs when you cant walk, let us be your hands when you can not write, let us be your strength when you feel like giving up or that you are weak. I have seen you overcome alot and for that you are stronger then you know. I love ya! And I think I am rambling now, so on that note,I could always use the company if you ever just want to hang.


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